exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize