He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
