so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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