she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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