I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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