its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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