I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
