My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
