In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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