I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
