i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
