im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
