I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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