I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
