is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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