i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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