I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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