you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
