i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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