you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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