so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
