First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
