i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
