i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The ass gains better be worth it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
