You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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