I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a beard to bite.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
