i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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