Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
