I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
