I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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