in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We got so high we made milksteak
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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