its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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