the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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