why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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