I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
