I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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