Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
