thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
