i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
