so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
