I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ketchup is God's man juice
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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