Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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