i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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