No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
