i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
