Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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