If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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