My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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