ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
