Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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