Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
