I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
whose parrot is this?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
