Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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