i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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