my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
