I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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