The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
